storytellers

AmbrMerlinus · Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 3:37 pm Post subject: "Life is Pain"

_{Someday I will come up with a more clever title.}

CHAPTER ONE:

It all started when I stopped sleeping.

I had a very good reason for such a cessation. I was sick of the nightmares. They'd been recurring for nearly a week. At first I'd tried knocking myself out with over-the-counter sleep aids, hoping that the sub-par sleeping experience they were said to provide would rob me of REM sleep and thus dreams, but it didn't work. After that, I spent the nights sitting up in my attic bedroom, staring at the blinking television screen as I mindlessly pushed buttons on the GameCube controller. I don't even remember what I played; I only cared that it kept me occupied and awake. But the sleepless nights were starting to take a toll on my cognitive abilities, conversation skills, and appearance.

"You're creepy, Jareth," my sister Mordecai told me Friday morning at breakfast. She was seated across the table from me, munching on a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and talking with her mouth full. Her table manners were less-than-stellar for a sixteen-year-old.

"You're rather creepy yourself," I countered, just before inserting a soggy spoonful of cornflakes into my mouth. The kitchen was about as dark as my bedroom, despite the morning sunshine. All the wood of the cabinets, table, and chairs was stained dark, the floor was black tile, and the walls and ceiling were still the original hundred-odd-years old oak, blackened by age.

"Yeah, but those dark circles are something else, man," she went on, gesturing towards my face with her spoon. "You look like... I dunno, a goth kid?"

That was some statement, coming from her. I doubted if she had a color in her wardrobe other than black. At that moment, she was wearing a black halter top and black lipstick. Pants were still uncertain, her legs being under the table and she having a habit of not bothering with them indoors.

"Try a zombie," said my older brother Silenus over the comics page of the newspaper as he munched his toast, not even looking at either subject of the conversation. He was seated at the head of the rectangular table, to my right. Richard, the father of the family, would normally be sitting there, but his work schedule was so erratic that he usually only made it to dinner.

Silenus's blue-dyed bangs were plastered to his forehead with yesterday's extra-hold gel. Much like Mordecai's habit of dispensing with pants, he had dispensed with his shirt. I would never do such a thing; I had too much to hide. But for Silenus, sloppy wardrobe was par for the course. He was twenty years old and lived in the basement, writing songs and paying minimal rent. The only time he cleaned up was when he left the house for his job moving boxes in the back rooms of the local Wal-Mart, which lasted from four in the afternoon to midnight.

"You're obsessed with zombies," Mordecai scoffed at Silenus. "You and your stupid horror films." Her eyes widened and she grinned as she turned back to me. "Hey, maybe you're turning into one of us, Jare!" She put on her best Transylvanian accent, which was horrendous. "A creature of zee night."

"Okay," I said, hoping against hope that they would just let the subject drop.

"Are you sleeping well, Jareth?" asked Taylor, my female guardian. She'd been caring for me for over a year, but I still couldn't call her my mother just yet. She brushed her long black hair away from her face as she read the Arts and Entertainment section, leaning up against the granite counter tops on the other side of the room. Unlike her two biological children, she had bothered to get dressed for the day, in a blue Cape Cod t-shirt and black leggings.

"I'm fine," I lied, taking another spoonful of cereal.

"Whatever, Jackie," said Mordecai, grinning from underneath the tangle of black corkscrew curls that sat on her head.

"What was that, dear?" asked Taylor, looking up from her paper.

"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick," Mordecai recited. "Jack jump over the candlestick. If he had jumped a little higher, he wouldn't have caught his pants on fire."

Silenus sighed heavily. "She's mixing nursery rhymes again, Mom. She means he's a liar. You know - liar, liar, pants on fire?"

"It's true," Mordecai asserted. "I can hear Super Mario Sunshine through my ceiling every night. It lulls me to sleep, actually."

Taylor raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you playing video games all night?"

"Not all night," I said.

"Yeah," Mordecai giggled. "You stop right after I fall asleep."

Taylor frowned, not angry, just frustrated. "Jareth, that's not good for you at all. In fact, you don't really look well..."

"You could take them away," I suggested half-heartedly.

"Do you really need me to do that?" she asked. She was always this way, very new-age and interactive in her style of parenting. She treated each of her children like a small adult. Sometimes this surpassed any sense of reason, especially considering the kind of decisions that adolescents are inclined to make. That was usually when Richard stepped in.

"Grow a spine, man!" Mordecai said, continuing to gesture wildly with her spoon. Minuscule drops of milk flew off of it and landed on the table. "Fight for your right to party!"

"I could just read instead, if the sound bugs you," I said.

"No, dude, I already told you, it lulls me to sleep. It's a good thing." She shrugged. "For me, anyway."

"I don't think it's good for Jareth," Taylor told her.

I stood up, having finished my cereal. "I'll stop playing video games all night, okay?" I said, pushing my chair in and picking up my bowl and spoon from the table, intending to drop them off in the sink next to where Taylor was leaning.

Taylor nodded. "Sounds fair. You really do look like you could use some rest. Why don't you take a quick nap?"

I stumbled over my own foot on my across the room and grabbed at the green wall with my left hand, bracing myself against it. "No, I'm fine." The room got a little fuzzy around the edges. I looked down at the tile floor to avoid the sensation, only to see the tiles swirling together to create a massive black abyss.

"Uh, Jare," Mordecai began. "You're looking kind of pale... er."

"Really, I..." I trailed off, wincing and moving my left hand from the wall to my abdomen, which had begun to produce stabbing pains. Unable to keep my balance, I let my left shoulder hit the wall. "I don't think the cornflakes agreed with me, I'll just--"

My right arm began to tremble violently. I dropped my cereal bowl. It shattered on the floor.

"Jareth?" Taylor said, her voice high-pitched and fearful. She stood up from the counter, dropping her newspaper as she made her way towards me.

I shook my head, meaning to indicate that she should back off, but my knees buckled before I could speak, providing a new distraction.

"Jareth!" Mordecai screamed. My eyes had closed of their own volition and were now screwed shut with pain. I had both arms clutching my stomach as my torso slammed into the floor.

"Should we call 911?" I heard Silenus ask as I lost consciousness.

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jesse · daydreamer Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 33

No one's commented on this yet? Wow.

Great dialogue! The characters are all interesting, even if they do sound like something you'd find in some "ultra-cool" webcomic. I'm really curious where you're gonna go from here! You've got the hook, now reel it in!

<3

-Jesse

AmbrMerlinus

CHAPTER TWO:

It was cold. Very very cold. My eyes were screwed shut, and I was too tired to open them. My fingers felt frostbitten. I balled my hands into fists and pulled them in to my chest for warmth.

"He's moving."

My first reaction to the voice was anger. I hated having people watch me when I sleep.

Still, the room was cold. That had to be dealt with first. I curled up tighter-- and almost screamed.

Pain. I wouldn't have been surprised to find that someone had taken a food processor to my intestines. I panted through clenched teeth, determined not to make a sound. It was like someone poured salty lemonade into the flesh of my torso. Like my skin was on fire. It really, really hurt.

"I think he's waking up. Get Rebecca."

Rebecca. That name was familiar, but I couldn't concentrate enough to match it to a person. A small whine managed to escape my throat. Whoever was in the room picked up on it immediately.

"Jareth? Are you all right?"

I didn't say anything. I wouldn't have been able to speak without crying. I just wanted it all to stop hurting.

"How's he doing, Taylor?" asked a woman's voice. After a moment I was able to match it to Rebecca's name. An image flashed in my mind of a woman with median height and proportions, with dark, curly hair typically held back in a braid. The image was quickly erased with another set of painful spasms.

"I can't really tell," Taylor's voice responded, trembling slightly. She sounded terrified. "He won't talk."

"Jareth?" Rebecca spoke softly. "Could you try and lie flat for a moment?"

I did not want to move. Moving hurt.

"Please, Jareth?" I felt a hand on my shoulder. I twitched violently away from the touch, crying out in the resulting pain.

"Taylor, help me get him flat. Stormy, you go get Nanquel."

That was unacceptable. My sister was watching me flip out, and then being sent to fetch the man who had attempted to kill me the moment I was born. But in my current condition, I could do nothing about any of it.

Hands gently pulled me from my curled position. I heard myself whining pitifully the whole time, and hated it.

I finally lay flat, gasping. Rebecca's hands gently touched my stomach, and I screamed. Once I started vocalizing pain, I couldn't stop. I wanted to shut up. Just shut up and stop hurting.

I heard someone enter the room loudly, in a rush. "What's happening now?" said Nanquel's voice.

"I can't do anything for him when he's like this," said Rebecca. "We need to get him back to sleep."

The one thing I had been trying to avoid for the past four days, and now it was being forced upon me. I finally opened my eyes and witnessed three people standing over me as I lay helpless on the bed. Taylor, Mordecai, and Nanquel, an elderly man with white moustache and beard, dressed in business slacks and a red plaid shirt. Rebecca was missing, but quickly re-entered the scene, a needle in her hand. My whimpering increased as she approached and I flailed my limbs, scrambling to get away from her.

"Hold him down," Rebecca ordered. Taylor and Mordecai obeyed, Mordecai with an expression of sincere regret.

I formed my first word of the day. "No!" I screamed as Rebecca pushed the needle into a bright blue vein that stuck out from the pale white skin of my left arm. Taylor held my arm taught as Rebecca pushed down the plunger.

I tried to stay awake, tried to keep my eyes open, but I was out.
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eleison · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:44 am Post subject:

Merlin... I have to tell you that I get a very film feel from your work. Not an "epic cinema" sort of film, (that is more of Fitzgordon's style), but more a clever indie comedy film. Your characters are easily taken in by the reader, almost to the point of familarity, which is great because you just build on from there with dialogue.

As always, I hope that made as much sense to you as it did in my head. Also, I am not sure if that is even remotely helpful...
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jesse · daydreamer Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 33

Really good description of the mental state of intense pain! But where did Mordecai come from? Jareth talks about her being there before her presence is revealed!

<3

-Jesse
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AmbrMerlinus · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:12 pm Post subject:

I keep forgetting to mention that Stormy is Mordecai's nickname. I need to edit that into the first chapter.
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