storytellers

Lilith · circle keeper Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 38

Wishmaster, thats all I have to say, lets get cracking.

I chewed a lot of time up during the summer months, the warms times were my favorites. I ended up spending a lot of time with her, on that hill, overlooking everything.

She was a wild child, a creature of the forest, me? I'm just a plain old regular towns person. Nothing special about me.

Honestly, I don't know what that crazy girl saw in me.

Unless it was her.

See, when I look in the mirror, I see someone else.

I always have, thats just the way I am. Plain on the outside, almost frightening on the inside, at least, thats what my Gram says.

She's really something, my old Gram. Used to be a sorcerous for the Magister's court, had a really high ranking and everything. But, we broke off from that around the time mudslinging became a popular sport, I told you she was smart, didn't I?

Well, she was quite powerful, back in the day, guess thats how she had my mother, must've had any guy she wanted, or girl for that matter. Heck, she probably could've had a dragon if she really wanted, course that might've stung a bit.

Yeah, Gram was something all right, always used to heal us when we'd snapped off limbs, or somehow gotten a few tree folk after us. She was one heck of a tough old lady, I'll tell you that.

Anyway, that's what she thinks I am, a sorceress.

Wish someone would've told her I can't do magic worth beans.

I can't even make beans with magic. I tried everything to be the perfect little mage, Went to school, dropped out of school, went back to school, didn't even pass the first few tests, and here I am, on a hill, overlooking my hometown, with a wild girl from the forest.

Let me tell you something right now, if you're ever lucky to make it with a Cin'La, it doesn't matter who you are, or what you like, they're some of the most attractive beings on this crazy rock, and no one, and I mean no one, turns a Cin'La down.

Well, thats not true. Some people do, but there's a reason we don't need to replant trees, or so the story goes.

But anyway, Scraya, that's her names, means "whisper" in her language, really liked me. Some say Cin'La were the most accomplished magic using race in the world, but I don't see it. They're forest people, sexy, drop dead gorgeous forest goers, but I guess thats where it all starts.

She said we were just "practicing" kissing that night, like all the others, seriously, I don't know what she saw in me. I always figured she was just a little promiscuous, being so positively breath-taking, and liked to love everyone, but as she went deeper and deeper, kissing like a madwoman, I realized what I meant to her.

Scraya wasn't some two-bit whore, she really did have a thing for me. As she caressed my willing body, I seriously did not know what she saw in me.

That bugged me to no end.

So I did the only thing I could do, ask her.

"Hun?" I start, "Why do you like me?" Blushing at the fact that I had just asked this amazing girl why she was kissing me from head to toe, I seriously wanted to know.

She giggled, it was a soft cute giggle too, one that made me wanna cuddle now more than ever.

I had no idea just how much I'd gone head over heels I was for this wild child.

"Well." Scraya started, "I love two for one deals." Even though she only let up for a moment, those few words meant more than half my life.

It's new, forgive me.

jesse · daydreamer Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 33

Okay, I already told you a lot of what I think of this, but I should probably do it publicly to encourage other people to comment as well.

The narrative style is great. I like when people can pull of a first-person narration and make it sound like a character talking, not the author. The confidential tone helps that.

"I can't even make beans with magic." = Lol.

You also set up a really neat hook, by implying that there's something weird about the main character, but not telling us what it is. I especially love the "I love two for one deals" line. It's funny, but we're not entirely sure why. What is she implying?

Seriously, what? Get on with it!

<3

-Jesse
_________________
I've always been Jung at heart.

eleison · Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 12:28 am Post subject:

*bows before the grand master of first person fantasy narrative*

Now that I have got my obligitory praise out of the way I come to my excuses for not reading this right away like a good little thing.

"I took a lot of time out during the summer months"
I don't know, the wording bugged me. Yes, it makes perfect sense... but it kept throwing me off. I guess my mind wanted it to say something slightly different, but my guess is that "I took a lot of time off during the summer months" would have altered the intended meaning, now that I have read the rest of the piece. I am so easily thrown off by wording at the beginning of pieces, but once I was hooked I was HOOKED.

So, yes, appologies abound and I really am looking forward to reading more of this.
_________________
Everywhere I go I find that a poet has been there before me.
~Sigmund Freud~

Lilith · circle keeper Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 38

Thanks all, check the first lines again, I made a few changes, I'll keep it updated.