storytellers

Intricate_Icicle2197 · daydreamer Joined: 10 Dec 2007 Posts: 41

Unfinished piece that I started today on a whim. Quickly written, probably choppy. I dunno.
My idea is for each section to start of with "If there was one thing Jill hated about _______" . I dunno. It's probably a stupid idea, but.. yeah... Please be nice. >.>

If there was one thing Jill hated about the Holidays, it was the traveling. When she was a little girl, she and her family spent hours, days even, getting ready. They would arrange their flight from Virginia to New Hampshire the week before Thanksgiving. And from there, the whole family would tumble into a whirlwind of anticipation and craziness.
First, there was Thanksgiving. Since most of her extended family lived up north, her family had a day within themselves. Her mother would bustle about their warm kitchen, normally with powdered sugar down the front of her blouse and a smear of something across her cheek. She always seemed worried that the food hadn’t come out right or something. She had to have everything perfect for some reason or another, even though she knew that her family wouldn’t care if the pumpkin pie was a little burnt or the potatoes were just a bit too hard.
And there was always the time crunch of Thanksgiving. Her mother absolutely had to have everything finished before the Macy’s Day Parade began. This rarely happened of course, since the program aired much earlier than her mother could handle, so it was always recorded.
Clean up was the worst, though. After the meal, Jill and her younger sister, Anna, had to help dry and put away the plates as her father washed them. Jill usually got stuck with drying, a job she despised. She was always afraid of drying the glasses, thinking that as she stuck her small hand in and swiping the towel around inside, one of them would eventually shatter around her into a million pieces. No such thing ever happened, but it still scared her.
After Thanksgiving, there was, of course, shopping day. Her mother, like all of her friends mothers, went out to the mall, braving the crowds and the lines and the traffic, so that she could get a good start on her Christmas shopping. It was when all the best sales turned up, too, her mother had told her once. Jill didn’t care. She hated shopping. Her mother had dragged her shopping the day after Thanksgiving one year and Jill would never forget it.
And even after Thanksgiving settled down and all of the leftovers were gone, things still seemed tensed. There were Christmas cards to buy and sign and send. There were Christmas cookies to bake. There were presents to buy and wrap and put under the Christmas tree. There were decorations to be found and pulled out of boxes and hung around the house. There were candles to burn and there were chores to be done. Yet, even with everything looming over them, they still always ended up doing them the week before they left for New Hampshire.
And also thrown into the list of things to do piled up the whole issue of packing. Jill spent hours picking out her clothes and her toys and trying to stuff them into her bag. Eventually her dad would come in, take everything out, fold it all neatly and pack it in the suitcase and with a swift ziiiiip! Jill’s packing was done. And by Saturday at 8:30, she and her family were out the door and headed towards the airport.
Hours were spent going through the airport, eating airline food, being bored during layovers, and actually flying to New Hampshire. When they finally landed, they had to wait for their bags to come around and then stumbled out into the parking garage to rent a vehicle. Usually there was already over an inch of snow on the ground. But the roads were clear so they could find Grandma and Grandpa’s relatively easily.
As they arrived, excitement and insanity again resumed. Jill, Anna, and their parents would be smothered in hugs and kisses and they’d drag their suitcases into the spare bedrooms, Grandma’s dog Nelly barking happily and running around and through everyone’s legs. The smell of hot cocoa and the woodstove danced throughout the entire house. Laughter echoed through the hallways.

Well, she no longer had to worry about the traveling.
Jill stood, unsmiling, in front of the large window in her apartment, looking down upon the snow-cover city. Her red and white Santa hat was tipped, covering one eye. Tucking a strand of hair behind the ear that wasn’t hidden under the hat, Jill sighed wondering if she’d ever make it back to those memories, if she would make some like that of her own. Turning sharply on her heel, Jill turned and grabbed a mug from the cabinet and started a cup of herbal tea. Slumping down into an armchair, she closed her eyes, listening to the Christmas carols that seeped under her door from her neighbor’s apartment.
Beep! Beep! Beep! The microwave announced its completion of its job. Jill lazily opened her eyes again and pulled herself up. Steam billowing up into her face as she stared down at the tea. Putting it down to let it steep, she went back to her spot before the window, her breath forming fog on the window as she inched closer to the glass. Her nose finally touched, an icy sensation spreading up her skin, she hardly noticed. Eyelids growing heavy, they closed; the ghosts of the lights from the city played across them, keeping her company.

_________________
~If it hurts to look back and it frightens you to look forward, just look beside you and I will be there.~

jesse · daydreamer Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 33

I'm not gonna lie. As much as I like your other story, this one doesn't do it for me. The description of the holiday season, while apt, is fairly generic and not super interesting as fond memories go. You're good with visual descriptions ("with powdered sugar down the front of her blouse and a smear of something across her cheek" is something I can imagine vividly), and you should play to that strength.

<3

-Jesse

Intricate_Icicle2197 · daydreamer Joined: 10 Dec 2007 Posts: 41

Yeah, I know... I really don't like it either. haha I just have this idea for a character, Jill, but... I just can't write about her... she probably needs to be drawn instead. But thanks for your opinion. ^^
_________________
~If it hurts to look back and it frightens you to look forward, just look beside you and I will be there.~